Cry To Tomorrow
by rainflower
Summary: Though trying to deny it, Misty can't help but come to a painful realization. So wrong, yet so very right at the same time, it tears her apart. Implied Ash/Misty-ness.
1. Cry To Tomorrow

Cry To Tomorrow  
----------------  
  
Shivering, curled up, and shuddering, she sat at the head of her bed, blank-faced and  
shocked. No one had died; she was not depressed...in fact, the day had been perfectly fine.  
Everything kept replaying in her mind; all these scenes and snapshots from the previous  
six years or so. Him; him; him; him. It was a neverending torrent of smiles, tears, words,   
hugs; life. Always, it was him.  
  
Yesterday, it was him. Today, it was him.  
  
Even when he was not there, she still found herself thinking about him. Constant, constant;  
way too constantly for any healthy human; Best-Friend On The Brain Syndrome.  
  
Sure, there were treatment options, but she really hadn't minded. So what? So she thought   
about him a lot. He was her closest friend; the one that was always there, that knew even   
more than she did about herself. It seemed logical to be thinking about him continuously.  
  
But this was not fine any longer.  
  
Eyes closed, slowly, wearilly; she fought the tears. If the tears didn't come, hope was   
not lost yet. Her slender body tipped, and she fell to her side, the bed providing very  
little comfort. Both hands were clutched in front of her chest, shaking with fear. Her two   
pajama-clothed legs shook too, cold and numb; forgotten. It hurt. In her chest, it burned,   
an ache that no sickness could replicate.  
  
A strange, oddly soothing numbness travelled down her arms, and into her fingertips. At  
this, the tears became even more threatening, as she could feel them welling up in her   
closed eyes. His words repeated in her mind over and over. It wasn't so much the fact that   
he had said them; he always said them. She had known it for a long time: she was his best  
friend too. But now, the fact that this was true just caused more pain.  
  
With a last breath, the first tear fell; she had lost. Here's to giving in.  
  
After that, there was no stopping it. Her eyes shot open, their aqua color shiny from the   
layer of tears. And they fell. Real, salty tears poured out of her eyes and down her pale   
cheeks. Placing her face against a pillow, she screamed into it, the sound echoing in her   
ears. Her lungs ached, sporadically contracting with rage, hatred, and agony. That pajama-  
clothed body twisted around, legs curling up, then kicking, arms moving to wipe the tears   
away, then slamming against the headboard with a thunk.  
  
She sat up, hair a fiery tangle that matched the redness on her face. Still, the tears   
flowed, though the need for them was lessening. Her legs and arms remained numb, and every   
breath was shaky. Even the pain was still there. Everything still remained, except the   
tears. Him; him; him; him. Always, it was him. Even when she wanted to forget.  
  
Misty let her head drop into her palms with defeat. Her fingers parted, allowing both   
bloodshot eyes to peer into the darkness as she raised her head back up. Tears still   
leaked out, running over the back of each hand; warm. Him; him; him; him. Those brown eyes;  
that black hair.  
  
He held more of her than even he knew. He could make her; break her.  
  
More than friendship, she thought, more than complete admiration. "I'm in love with him." 


	2. Shudder For Today

Shudder For Today  
--------------------  
  
She was granted a mere three hours sleep; sweet, oblivious sleep, and the only   
remedy for the pain. Why did she have to get so close? Why did she have to need   
him so much?  
  
The mere thought of change made her retch, wincing, clutching her stomach in an   
attempt to ward off the nausea. She could feel the shivers coming on again, the   
numbness starting in the ends of her fingertips.  
  
Oh why does it have to hurt? She would be fine, if only it didn't hurt.  
  
You can't trust anyone. You can't rely on anyone.  
  
Eyes still closed, her eyebrows knotted together in agony. But she had known these   
things! She knew not to get close. But...but...she had. This could not be denied.  
  
She had grown too close to that black-haired boy, enjoying everything he said, did;  
every single move he made.  
  
And so, there was only one option.  
  
Leave.  
  
She sat up, damp eyes staring into the blackness, into nothingness. And the   
nothingness stared back, its omniscient form gazing straight into the scarred soul.  
  
All along, she knew he deserved better. How did he even tolerate her all this   
time? He shouldn't have. It would have been easier.  
  
But it was her fault, not his.  
  
A subtle smile tried to form on the corner of her salty, chapped lips. This soon   
faded, replaced by the same blank, agonizing stare that plagued the   
could-be-pretty face. She must not get her hopes up. She must live in reality.  
  
Unfortunately reality was now a serrated dagger that took great pleasure in   
ripping apart all the defences and walls she had built up around every truth.  
  
"I'm in love with him."  
  
It was like vomiting blood every time she said it.  
  
She shuddered as a tear rolled down her cheek, soaking silently into the pillow   
case. There wasn't any use trying to stop it this time, and she shuddered more as  
she cried a warm torrent of tears. Both hands clutched at the blankets around her,   
pulling them closer in attempted comfort, trying to make the pain stop, trying to   
feel whole again.  
  
With every breath came an unbidden moan, her nose was running, even the   
surrounding darkness looked blurry.  
  
And then nothing mattered.  
  
Those tears stopped leaking from her eyes, and her body -- though still convusling   
with uncontrollable shuddering -- felt at ease as the pain dissipated to a vague   
ache.  
  
Everything was simple and obvious now. She, Misty, would leave, taking with her   
all the memories of him that she would always cherish. He deserved to be free of   
her, and she deserved to be free of him. There would be nothing to regret.  
  
"I love you Ash Ketchum."  
  
And you will never have to lie and love me back. 


	3. Smile With Yesterday

Smile With Yesterday  
----------------  
  
Oh why couldn't she just have stayed silent? Ignore everything, pretend it's not   
there; continue on feeding herself and everyone around her lies. At least things   
would stay the same.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
That voice, his voice; damn. Misty turned, finding the object of her confusion   
standing in the hallway, shifting a can of soda between his right hand and left   
hand, trying not to entirely numb his fingers.  
  
"For a walk."  
  
He stopped tossing the beverage and let it rest in his left hand, "This early?"  
  
"Well you're up."  
  
The now-free hand drifted up to rub his neck out of nervous habit, "I was having   
trouble sleeping."  
  
Resolve quickly slipping, she looked down to the well-worn hotel carpet, and to   
her hastily tied shoes, "I couldn't sleep either."  
  
She couldn't sleep because all the escaped confusion was making her ill. She also   
could not tell him about it, nor did he seem eager to divulge the causes of his   
own insomnia.  
  
If she did run away, protecting herself from what was most assuredly more agony   
and indecision, worry would take its place. Not being able to wake up in the   
morning and find him sprawled out on top of his sleeping bag, she'd worry about   
where he was. Not being able to laugh at his crazy antics, she'd worry about his   
health. Not being able to tell him about everything of interest she'd done all day,  
she'd worry about his happiness, and wonder if he ever thought of her.  
  
The small red backpack that held everything of importance slipped from her grasp,   
and with four languid steps, she stood directly in front of him. Misty finally  
looked up and met his eyes, full of incomprehension, but still warm. Her foggy   
mind protested; stupid, illogical girl, don't even think about it, don't make some   
selfish mistake.  
  
Heart thumping with force enough to feel the beats in her head, she leaned into   
him, pressing her chest against his. Both arms snaked up around his neck, holding   
tightly, while she bent her head to rest on a strong, broad shoulder. At first it   
felt as if she were hugging a god; some immortal in chiseled flesh, sent down to   
be idolized and adored. But then every muscle softened, and after the thunk of   
metal on carpet, his arms were around her, hands pressing against her back,   
separated only by the fabric of her tee shirt. He bent his head down to rest   
against her own, left hand sliding up along her spine, resting at the base of her   
neck, smoothing his fingers across the exposed skin. They were still cold from the   
forgotten beverage and she shivered, closing her eyes, wanting to feel, not see.  
  
But, neither one could see or feel the will of the other. Both understood their   
own motives for the unannounced, lingering embrace, but failed to realize that the   
other, could, just possibly, be hiding exactly what they, themselves were. As a   
result two words bounced around in their minds -- 'love' and 'friend' -- creating   
a bittersweet goo where there once was brain mass.  
  
They would lie to themselves to be happy. Later; later they could confront the   
truth they'd just realized. But for now, later is a long, long time away.  
  
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Notes and blather: That's the real end, I'm not adding anymore, though actually   
each 'chapter' concludes quite nicely. This strange fic-thing is probably the only   
thing I've ever written without putting any thought into it. I just sort of, wrote,  
each chapter coming out at random times for no real reason. It started out as just   
sort of a one-shot 'something' and then I just sort of added more, and now I'm   
adding more again. There's no plot, no continuity between chapters, and nothing   
really happens, but there you have it, straight from my own twisted mind, to paper,  
without any of that 'coherent thought' stuff mixed in. 


End file.
